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Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Blog 140. Fox Hunting Hunting – it’s the latest thing!

Yes – Fox Hunting Hunting is the new sport here in Britain. Canny Lord Middleton – far from being the inbred dimwit he might seem, has in fact invented a new and rather marvellous pastime.

Following the discovery of 16 motherless fox cubs on Middleton’s Birdsall Estate in Malton, Yorkshire a new sport is born. The canny, wily (foxy!) Lord Middletwonk claims he and the local hunt knew nothing about why the young cubs were being kept in a barn on his estate where hunting is a regular event. Though – strangely – after claiming to know nothing Lord Middletwonk then apparently told a tabloid newspaper that,

...the cubs were not being kept for hunting – it’s not illegal to keep foxes – they were not being mistreated – people asked the hunt to look after abandoned fox cubs and it was done out of kindness -  - they will be released back into the wild... and so on. All of which proves one thing only - that he is a nasty lying toad
He has been at pains to invent a new kindly and much more interesting pastime than chasing defenseless wildlife for sport across the bally old green and pleasant stuff for posh fun.

It’s Fox Hunting Hunting.

Presumably the vixens were all unfit mothers who abandoned their cubs – all 16 of them – and went on a booze holiday to Ibiza. Then the Molten hunt rescued the poor wee things – in secret.

Shame on you BGOTR bleader, if you conclude that there is a stratum of people who think the laws of the land do not apply to them (a la bankers). Why would you think such a thing in this year we celebrate 800 years of Magna Carta?

Maybe it was the lukewarm backing of the anti hunting bill by one Mr. Blair that set the tone (Tony set the tone!) He made it clear at the time the bill was floated that if it had not been enshrined in the labour election pledge he would’ve wriggled out of it. And why would a man who had no compunction about going a slaughtering in Iraq be squeamish about small wild animals being chased down by twits in silly clothes on horse-back with dogs and then torn apart – for fun.

The argument goes that we townies don’t understand the countryside – fox hunting is part of keeping these vermin under control. Odd then that the 16 fox cubs appeared to have been kept specifically to be released for hunting entertainment.

We townies also don’t understand that this is part of British tradition and heritage. – Well – yeah. So was sending little children up chimneys and deporting people to Australia for stealing bread. What kind of argument is that?

But then I thought hang on a minute. Maybe this is not what it seems. These good folk – who clearly have been involved in legal drag hunting not illegal fox hunting – are much maligned and misunderstood. The fact that they like hunting foxes and have 16 young foxes locked in a barn and were very secretive about it should in no way lead us to the obvious conclusion.

They were – by way of paying something back to society – providing care and love to the abandoned youngsters and also developing a benign hunting experience for the LACS (the League Against Cruel Sports). LACS were not lax in coming forward and were then able to indulge in Fox Hunting Hunting.
But why not go the next step and hunt the Twonkies?

I can’t think of anything better, more enjoyable, more exhilarating and pleasant than locking a few Twonkies in a barn – releasing them dazed and terrified one at a time and running them down with dogs and horses until their hearts are about to give out and then tearing them to pieces.
How lovely. Good on them.


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