Why have I heard of ‘Rylan’?
I don’t even have TV!
I spent the weekend with television
And this is what struck me.
I’ve heard of a guy who according to 40 seconds
internet research became famous for coming 5th in the 11th
series of a talent programme I’ve never watched.
Even if I hadn’t given up on TV last century I would
have avoided this type of offering like
– well – The Covid.
It’s a talent
programme where, as far as I can tell from my further ‘research’ on You tube,
the aim is to take a song or imitation of a famous person – preferably one well
known but not too badly invested with original talent themselves and shit on
it. Creatively murder the thing that has been done before by hundreds of others
and better by at least 99% of them – but with an unassailable lack of self-awareness.
And , having failed at that – according to my 10 second Wikipedia ‘research’ R went on to another coveted staple of British entertainment – reality TV. And that, it seems is why – having spent the weekend in a house with TV, I saw an orange face with ken doll hair and nuclear teeth and knew this person’s name was Rylan.
WHY?
It used to be that to be famous – you had to do something. Play a thing - however badly, or sing a new song – however
awful, say witty things or write a thing or have something quirky about your
personality / have a personality. Even back in the days of Saturday Night at
the London Palladium – a guy who could bang a tray on his head in a way you’d
never seen a guy bang a pub tray before could get on.
It’s not that I don’t wish this guy as much luck as
anyone else. I’ve never met him and am sure he is – on a personal level – as ok
as the next person.
BUT
Is this it? Is this now Britain for good? Not an
aberration, not a blip. We have to tell our kids that writing, creating, being
original is not what counts. Work on your fake perma-tan…
Problem is - I have a sneaking suspicion it –
whatever IT is - may explain why the current crop of non-entities, topped off
by the pig-in-a-suit, are being paid to masquerade as leaders of the country.
The country is, after all, being run like a failed game show.
To look at it from the other perspective – I have
less than zero interest in football. The closest I came to any real involvement
was back in the dark ages when I was a Newcastle City councillor and sat on the
planning committee at a time when St James football ground was given planning permission to
extend their premises. That’s it. And yet, I fully understand why I’ve heard of
Ronaldinho. The star quality of Ronaldinho de Assis Moreira shone so brightly from the firmament that it even glittered far outside the football realm.
But I don’t understand why I’ve heard of Rylan any
more than I understand why Johnson is Prime Minister… It matters because Johnson
and his ilk are not going to save the planet, they are going to (and are)
fiddling while Rome burns.
So I say again. I understand why I’ve heard of
Ronaldinho. But why oh WHY have I heard of Rylan?