… (It won’t)
Ok - after last week’s splurge of sarcasm I realise
that it’s me that is out of step so, this week I’m doing NORMAL.
I had a cursory look online to
see what counts for normal these days.
So firstly, ignore the dire warnings
about the appalling state of the natural world and obviously don’t read my
dystopian sci fi novella unless you are mad
Instead, look at what rich, thin, vacuous women are
wearing at various spangly meaningless events or watch comedians who have run out of material talking to each other on game shows. Stomached that for about 2 minutes.
Then apparently there are lots of mysterious things those nasty, pesky
doctors don’t want you to know; medical and beauty secrets that will magically
make you younger / healthier / more attractive/ thinner yada yada yada with NO
effort. So, I came up with two of those – a. don’t eat shit. b. walk around a
bit. Ok that’s that done.
Plus, here is a picture of my half-century+++ face after four days with my grandson, little sleep and no makeup because, apparently, if you are a woman, that makes you a hero these days. I generally wear eyeliner and lipstick if I’m performing because it’s quite important for an audience
to be able to clearly read facial expressions while I have a rant about how we're all fucked by Brexit (woops, sorry, shouldn't have said the 'B' word) but apparently the rest of
the time I am akin to a firefighter diving into a raging inferno to rescue 8
children from an 11th floor or a civil rights activist... just
because I leave home without slapping ridiculously expensive chemical kack on
my face every single day and go places where other people might see me.
Also – here is a gluten-free egg-free recipe for
coconut macaroons that will change the way you eat forever (it really won’t).
Shredded coconut - as much as you can get in half a
small bowl (your local Asian supermarket will probably sell pre-shredded
coconut)
About half that amount again in rice flour and
ground almonds (if your budget is tight – more rice flour than ground almonds)
Vanilla essence if you have it. Vanilla extract or
real vanilla if you won the lottery
Wee bit salt
The equivalent of 6 tbsp of melted coconut oil (pound
shops or Aldi etc sell it cheap)
Honey or – if you just came into an inheritance –
maple syrup
Mix and mush
Squidge into balls and bake in medium oven for 15 –
20 mins
Leave to set for about an hour (or less if you
cannot wait)
Eat with a cup of tea either on your own or with a
friend if you are feeling generous. Hide some in a tin so they don’t eat them
all. Couldn’t be arsed to take a picture but I’m assuming most folk who eat
food or ever ambled by a bakery know what a coconut macaroon looks like.
I know I really should have put up a story about how
something inane changed my life but I can’t think of anything apart from
GROWING UP.
See – a whole blog post that is entirely normal…