Catholic priests were raping children with the knowledge and
collusion of those in power – I mean forever amen. The Church of England is
positively glorying in its misogyny and homophobia. Henry VIII must be feeling
a little pathetic. Back in the 16th century all he managed was to
chop off a few spousal bonces. Let’s face it, by the standards of the time and
for a typical megalomaniac chauvinist, vain, possibly psychotic bloke of the
period – nowt to write home about.
The Mormons got polygamy and The Osmonds. Like most of
Britain the Jehovas have me cowering below my letter box on many an evening.
And so on.
Back in the day, I attended a Seventh Day Adventist church
with my great grandmother (see Shirley
Temple Jesus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XblbBrVMuqg&feature=player_embedded#at=23)
but was then sent to Methodist Sunday school and have stuck with it
ever since – even teaching Sunday school myself for 7 years. Instead of going
for the day like I used to when I attended the black church in Birmingham, I
slog it out for an hour – job done. And like the white folk, if it feels as if
the minister of the morning has forgotten that there is lunch to be got and uncomfortable
clothes to get out of, I get fidgety.
In the past I’ve even worried that being mixed race I could
find myself in some sort of cosmic debt when the big day comes. Black folk go
to church for the day, white folk for an hour (if they feel like it and there
are no sales on) but maybe as a mixed race person I should be putting in a
whole morning rather than a pathetic 60 minutes. It is something that could be
more of a problem than it first appears. As the non-drinking, non-gambling etc
kind of Methodist let’s face it I could be here a while. When I finally pop my
clogs – perhaps after friends who live more adventurous lives – I sure don’t
want to be sent back because I’m heavily in debt for church attendance. Hmm
something to consider.
But God bless Paul Flowers. In order to get the Methodists
up to scratch he’s been on some sort of deadly sin binge. I mean did he miss
any out? Really we should look for some bodies because he’s done such a fab job
with other sins. Whilst being gay is not a sin – despite what the Caths would
have us believe (don’t they know it was only introduced as a sin in the 13th
century after a bit of advice to the then pope by your man Thomas Aquinas?) but
being a big fat hypocrite must be there and if not I nominate it as a newy.
On a more worrying note – I was scanning some headlines last
week and was struck horribly by the coincidence of the Door to Hell that exists
in Turkmenistan. Geologists would have us believe that those knackers who are
so intent on smashing the planet to smithereens before we have finished with it
(the fossil fuel maniacs) caused the crater when they were trying to drill for
oil and set light to the escaping gases to ‘burn them off’ That was 40 years
ago. The burning desert crater is actually called the Door to Hell and it sure
looks like it. BUT did anyone stop to think? Did anyone pause and put two and
two together and realise - THAT was when Revd Flowers began his Methodist
ministry????????????????? I mean for heavens’ sake. Good Lord. Clearly he is
YOU KNOW WHO.
The best thing we could do is to chuck him back down the
crater along with the paedo priests and misogynists, racists, bullies, war
mongers and homophobes, the general bigots (plus Tony Blair and George Bush)
and fill the bloody thing in.
(apologies for any confusion - this week's cartoon uploaded in 'view my profile' actually relates to blog 52 - I offer no explanation)