13. As Promised…
The 1st International Euphemism Competition (run by this blog)!
To make up for the gloom of last week’s blog and as a cheerful counterbalance to the
elections here it is. *Bleaders are invited to submit for my perusal, themed euphemisms which will be judged randomly and when I can get round to it. The best one or two or however many I feel like, will be awarded fabulous prizes. The euphemism could be political – like the two referred to in last week’s blog. It could be a Spoophemism – something that if we weren’t polite we would just call a lie e.g. the claim that this would be ‘the greenest government ever’ = actually not green at all! They could be euph-homme-isms e.g. –‘T.V. chef’ = bloke who can’t cook without an audience. They could be eu-femme-isms e.g. ‘Witch’ = smart woman from the Middle Ages. The main thing is they should have a slightly cynical cutting edge to suit the current climate; humour would be good but is not essential. They will probably not be actual euphemisms in the actual sense of the actual word but euphemistic euphemisms so to speak. You could choose a social euphemism e.g. ‘credit’ = debt. It could be an artistic euphemism ‘brave theatre production’ = you’ll be crying with boredom by the interval - and so on and so forth and so on. US
In the interests of realism, I reserve the right to choose people I favour or people who are reassuringly like me (so mixed race ex lawyers, ex councillors, ex arts officers, ex waitress author poets stand a good chance). The closing date will be a moveable feast but possible about 10 days after the posting of this blog. Winner or winners will have their euphemism in a future blog credited with their name and any basic personal info they provide and that I deem suitable. I may or may not read all the entries and if there are no entries I may make them up – along with the entrants. Winner or winners will receive one of my books (see right hand blog column). If the prospect of that prize reduces any real winner to tears an alternative will be offered in the form of a digestive biscuit with the winner’s name written on in coloured icing sugar (depending what I have in the cupboards) and only if the winner has a reasonably short name. The biscuit will be posted to the winner and I take no responsibility for the state of the bicky on arrival – or non-arrival.
The competition is free to enter (I’ve no idea how to attach PayPal to a blog) but anyone entering – even if I don’t read their entry - should consider themselves beholden to me for at least a cup of tea at some unspecified time in the future.
Euphemisms should be mailed to the e-mail attached to this blog in any font you like and any language (but if it’s not in English you won’t win).