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Tuesday, 20 November 2012

15. I know what you did last weekend… & a couple thousand stalkers!

OK – this week’s blog is – what-I-did-last-weekend (very facebook – get me)
PLUS the winners of the fabulantastic 1st International Euphemism Competition (run on this blog)
In line with the competition rules (see Blog 13) all the winners have been chosen on the basis of nepotism i.e. they are either people I like, people who owe me biscuits, people to whom I owe favours, folk I like. At no point was the quality of the entry an issue – just to be clear…
In first First Place is 3-D artist and fantastic Performance Poet (my fave piece remains ‘Bin Laden shops in Asda’) Wajid Hussein. Wajid’s euphemism relates to the term 'Randomly Selected' (in relation to searches before flying) = ‘HIM’. It makes me all sentimental as it reminds me of the days when my lot filled this slot – ah the good old days.
In second First Place is Oonagh Joslin (poet, flash fiction champ, editor of Everyday Poets, baker of the finest roast hazelnut shortbread ever) Oonagh’s euphemism relates to the competition reference to a ‘Fair Judge’ = ‘dark haired, dark eyed, dark skinned, ex solicitor, solicits 'takers' for a book she can't give away and a cupboard full of out of date biscuits’.
In first Second Place is John Martin Johnson T.V. screen/script writer with such series as Call the Midwife under his belt who is now doing an MA in screen writing at Goldsmith’s. He did not indicate if this was his own euphemism – he merely says it’s his favourite – but I don’t care. ‘Hard working families up and down this country’ = ‘People I've never met’
And finally – in second Second Place is Dan Mc Cole creative, Limerick wizard and fellow outsider, ‘It's been suggested I do a stand-up comedy course’ = ‘people at work are fed up with me being rude’.

N.B.
Anyone claiming that these were – in fact – the ONLY entries will be sued!

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