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Tuesday 10 January 2023

463. Top 20 unlikely news stories in 2023!

1.     Telegraph readers admit Brexit is a catastrophe and they were conned for the sake of xenophobia.

2.     Woman (possibly me…) walks more than 20 yards from home without stepping in dog shit.

3.     Daily Mail readers have an epiphany and see that Jeremy Clarkson is a talentless, entitled, misogynistic, desperate twat.

4.     Royal family apologise for slavery, return stolen land, property, jewels and other swag and donate properties for homeless folk to live in.

5.     Suella Braverman stops drooling over intentional cruelty to vulnerable migrants.

6.     The West astonishingly and en masse, cares more about species extinction, the climate crisis and deadly pollution than reality TV programmes (see last post).

7.     Found - an intelligent, good looking white supremacist.

8.     Monarchy is abolished. The silly, expensive, pathetic dressing-up-box pantomime coronation is swapped for an equality street party.

9.     Child of celebrity doesn’t become a model.

10.                        Elon Musk, Trump, Matt Hancock, Jair Bolsonaro, Boris Johnson, +++ are put on The Naked Emperors’ rocket to Mars.

11.                        Voters finally understand that its wealthy tax avoiders who need to be chased by HMRC not the disabled and struggling families.

12.                        Cigarettes are banned and tobacco companies pay reparations to all cancer victims – tobacco land grows food.

13.                        D list celebrity woman you forgot about, frantic for attention - wears clothes.

14.                        Morons stop buying large dangerous dogs and other morons stop cutting down urban trees and hedges. They also stop paving or decking or fake-grassing over their gardens.

15.                        Nepotism becomes deeply infra dig. Talented folk get a chance and the country improves in all ways.

16.                        Black lives really matter.

17.                        Water company bosses of privatised English water companies are forced to drink the turd water they pumped into British waterways.

18.                        ‘Commentators’ stop talking infinite shite about stuff they know nothing about in order to draw attention to themselves – UK public critical faculties improve.

19.                        British public suddenly remember the Tories have been in power for 13 years not just since Sunak became the bronze medallist PM.

20.                        Brexit turns out to have been like Bobby’s dream in Dallas. UK jingoists and xenophobes aren’t really THAT stupid or self-destructive. It was all just a nightmare.

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