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Tuesday 18 January 2022

419. Boris v Mallory

This is Mallory the cat. 


When Mallory was found, almost dead, in October where he'd been hanging around for several days outside the shop where my daughter has a student job, he was so malnourished his backbone was sticking up like a mountain ridge. His fur was matted beyond de-tatting. His back legs were collapsed. He shook and though he desperately wanted to eat, he couldn’t hold anything down or if he did it exited violently the other end. She took him back to her flat (in her flatmate’s boyfriend’s car which Mal decorated with exodus material from both ends). M was unable to use a litter tray effectively because of said problem with collapsed back legs. Eventually, after weeks of nursing and coaxing he was strong enough to take to a dog groomer where all his matted disgusting fur was painstakingly shaved off (thanks dog groomer woman).

M is clearly very old and possibly got overlooked after his owner either died or went into care (or he got chucked cos he was so disgusting lol). No one knows. He is deaf, some of his teeth are missing and a couple of the remaining ones are too long. His spatial awareness isn’t great and he is a bit stupid (he burnt his whiskers on a candle). He is, for obvious reasons, extremely needy and YOWLS pathetically if my daughter leaves the room. He is, however, a very loving cat. When he is sitting comfortably on my daughter’s knee or next to her with his head pushed into her armpit (!), he purrs like an outboard motor.

The thing is – even in the state he was in when he was first discovered – Mallory would have made a better Prime Minister than Boris Johnson.

 Now that his fur has partially grown back and he can successfully crap in the litter tray and doesn’t vomit anymore and loves his food and stays awake - often for 10 minutes at a time - and only drools a little bit - he could definitely run the country better than this fucking government.

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