My funniest joke or my worst joke - my only joke (!)
was bequeathed to me by my dad and he may have been telling it since the mid
70s.
You need this joke.
If, like me, you are depressed by the government
paying policemen to rape left wing women (consent is surely void as the women
were being conned by the state). You may be confused because that same
government (which bailed out bankers) cannot find money to support steel operators, Britain’s last
substantial industry.
Despite a brief tangle with stand up comedy, joke
telling per se (sorry – everyone seems to be adding ‘per se’ to their sentences
at the moment) is not my forte. A fact you will become au fait with if you
reach the end of this post. Ok.
I’ve been in the habit of telling this particular gag
to my family at intervals of a couple or three years either because I forgot I
told them or I hoped they’d forgotten it and would be merrily entertained by my stored wit. As my dad may also have said, ‘if wit were shit
you’d be constipated’. But God loves a tryer apparently.
It may be that you are depressed that London already
passed its 2016 pollution limits and we’re not out of January. You might also
have read the news that up to 1 in 5 recycle bins ends up in landfill. I won’t
mention the fact again that we are all knee deep in dog excrement most of the
time. Well done local government.
You may be in denial, blocking the horrible reality
that oil prices are a game that the super wealthy play with a precious global
resource that we should be weaning ourselves off, having long ago lost their
connection with ordinary people.
In the UK you may be catatonic with the knowledge
that our PM is not a leader but a figurehead while the opposition leader is a
collective manifestation of wishful thinking. In the US, you will be whistling
loudly and trying to distract from the reality that your most well-meaning
president finds himself vilified because he’s trying to reduce the incidents of
teenagers shooting their schoolmates. And you also have the headache
personified of D Trump (see three blogs down - 167) who just keeps on and on and
on not shutting up.
As local services go down the drain you may wonder
why local councillors get paid – at all. In the old days when they actually had
direct responsibility for e.g. education, and services were not all farmed out
to private companies they did not get paid.
You may be confused as to why G4S still gets
government contracts despite yet more evidence (do we need more) of bad
management, poor practice and the violent treatment of vulnerable people. But
then why does BT still get government contracts despite being incompetent and
crap?
So – for you – here is the joke my dad used to love
and which I also loved when he told it. And I apologise if you are not familiar
with the relevant proverb.
*
#funniestjoke-browngirloutsidethering
A
man went to his doctor complaining of a problem with his bottom
Dr. –What
exactly seems to be the trouble?
Patient. –
Whenever I fart my bottom makes a weird noise
Dr. – What
kind of noise?
Patient. –
“Honda Honda”
(The
Dr examines the patient and pronounces the mystery solved)
Dr. – Ah yes –
It’s quite obvious. The problem is caused by an abscess.
(The
patient was a little sceptical)
Patient. – Why
would an abscess cause such a strange noise?
Dr. – Surely
you’ve heard, ‘abscess makes the fart go Honda’.
*
Sorry...
Again – if you need my psychology explained try this http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/151924729X