Inspired as I’ve been by stories appearing on my e-mail ‘news’ page about who wore what where and who got a new tattoo and who cried because something they did for publicity got – publicity and who had a new hairdo / partner / dress / tantrum / argument with someone else who just got a new hairdo / partner / dress / new shade of lipstick – I decided that I should share with you the big-massive-huge news story of my week.
I got a new Stapler.
It’s not just any old stapler – it’s a long arm stapler with non-slip rubber bottom. I suspect the stapler story scoop exclusive will appear in OK or HELLO or Woman’s Own some time soon.
Sadly, much as I’d like to give my stapler the word count it deserves, this week’s post will be shorter than usual due to the juxtaposition of a twig and my eyeball over the weekend requiring a quick dash to Newcastle’s eye hospital outpatients. If this week’s blog looks a bit blurry - now you know why.
Anyway – my stapler.
Purchased on line for a mere £5.99 (plus P&P) after searching fruitlessly in the obvious stationary outlets, it arrived while I was out – thus extending the excitement, as deferred gratification tends to. With tingles of anticipation I collected it from my local post depot. Unlike Ms Cole’s tattoo it isn’t covered in roses and is blue and black not red and black. But it has a tenuous link to my creativity. It is to be used to attach a few pieces of paper containing 13 poems which represent my first independent print of page poems, including Reduced Possibilities (formerly Forget-me-not-blue) which was shortlisted in the Bridport International Poetry Prize 17 months ago. Under the heading Other Stuff, the pamphlet will surreptitiously emerge while I’m gigging my comedy stuff in Bristol next month. I know – it’s very 1980s but if the blokes my age can start sentimentalising about how it’s better to listen to their music on vinyl – I can do a poetry pamphlet.
I don’t wish to boast about my lovely new stapler but can’t help speculating that long after Ms Cole’s tattoo has served its purpose and her fans have grown bored of it or had their cheap copies lazered off, I’ll still be having fun with my long arm, non-slip, rubber bottom stapler.
(And I got a free staple remover)