Stay with me. You know I make sense eventually.
Have you ever sweated and toiled over something only to discover that there was no need? In
fact if you’d made less effort things would have worked out?
Maybe you once slaved over the production of a
beautiful, carefully crafted birthday cake for a friend because you were
worried their birthday would not be properly celebrated only to arrive at their
house and find a table groaning with cream and confectionary – better than
yours. Maybe you contracted, at great expense, a building
firm to pull down an old dangerous wall only for it to be blown down in the
night by an unexpectedly high wind.
Well, here in the UK we have a much more impressive
irony at play right now.
The most significant political observation of at
least the decade if not the century is that it has taken the most vacant,
incompetent, pointless, directionless, ‘leader’ of Labour’s opposition
existence to fundamentally break the Conservative party.
Had Labour realised, in the days of Thatcher, that
vigorous opposition was not the answer, in fact total lack of opposition was
what was needed, they could have saved themselves and the country much
heartache and dreadful damage.
It seems that all the Tories needed in order to fall
at each other’s throats was a. a ridiculous ill-thought-out referendum and b. a
complete lack of leadership of The Opposition. By being an utter failure, Corbyn
has done what others failed to do.
Britain is no longer a two party system it is a whose party? mess.
Blair may have destabilised the middle east with an
illegal invasion, set off mass migration and thus planted the seeds of the rise
of right wing populist nasties and his political tag partner - following on, as
the two had agreed and without anything so old fashioned as an election, Gordon
Brown - continued the light touch fiscal regulation which helped fuel the 2008
crash – further destabilising an already wobbly system and let in Cameron/Clegg.
Ed Miliband stabbed brother David Miliband in the back for the Labour
leadership (because by this point British politics was already resembling a mediaeval
English court) and failed to realise that a soap opera obsessed British public
wouldn’t forgive him for this, thus letting in Cameron clear without the Libs
in 2015. Clegg, having lied and crapped on the youth of Britain pissed off to
work for Facebook so the porky teller let in porky-poker Cameron who opened the
gates to political hell with the 2016 referendum yada yada yada to the pig in a suit himself - Johnson.
Meanwhile, the Blairites in the
Labour Party – not wanting to look undemocratic – added Corbyn to the
nomination papers for their next leader and – because he was the ONLY lefty on the ballot
at a time when the party were heartily sick of the Blairites - Corbyn won.
The rest as they say is history. Very recent,
painful and unpleasant history.
After more than three years of Brexit hell, Corbyn
has only recently – and I’m talking days – come to some sort of position on the
country’s greatest political crisis since WWII and even that will-o’-the-wisp has
already lost form.
Meanwhile – with zero opposition on the opposition
benches and Corbyn still apparently stuck in the student common room of the
course he never finished – the world moved on without him. More importantly –
without an opposition to kick - the Tories started kicking themselves. Maybe
kicking is just what they do. They can’t help it. It’s like political Tory Tourette’s.
So, what was needed all along was undiluted
incompetence from those supposedly representing the ordinary people of Britain
and the Tories, as a party, would be done for.
OF course the question remains how to get them out
of government. Not having a majority won’t do it. Three times now they’ve side-stepped
that one. First Cameron and Cleggy buddied up in the rose garden then May bought
a few DUP dinosaurs. And now Boris Johnson simply shits on democratic protocol.
Maybe the Labour leadership’s incompetence is enough
to destroy the Tory party but to finish the job and get them out of office, the
next leader of The Labour party needs to be an incontinent hamster…
*
And remember – if you need a laugh, my new comedy
misadventure novel starring a mixed-race Edinburgh granny (!) and her ‘special
set of skills’ is available in e-book or paperback now. Any resemblance to any mixed-race granny you may know living in Edinburgh is purely coincidental...