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Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Blog 82. Max Clifford, UKIP & ‘all our yesterdays’

Any hope of a sensible outcome (or even process) in the European elections was snuffed out when the first election leaflet flopped onto my doormat.

I am left still trying to comprehend (among other things) the appeal of UKIP – or should I say Farage. Yes he’s been shamelessly promoted and normalised by the media but over and above that, what is his draw? He’s a frog-faced racist hypocrite who seems to have galvanised the previously limp passions of (some) white men over 60 – like political Viagra. And who’d argue he wouldn’t look better with a condom over his head?
According to various opinion polls and commentators and worried Tory insiders, he appeals to those who feel their country is not what it was; those who crave the ‘better yesterday’. Presumably they want a yesterday when everyone was white and spoke perfect English which was – NEVER. There was no such thing as Standard English until well after Chaucer’s time and today most so-called indigenous people don’t speak it. The Royal Family are a Continental European import and blacks and Europeans have been resident on this island since Roman times. The fictional better yesterday seems to be some mythical time in the 60s, 70s or early 80s.
So I thought – couldn’t we put all the folk who want it to be yesterday together? They could go live on an island with Max Clifford. Maybe we could get some posters saying ‘no blacks, no Irish, no dogs’ to make them feel at home? The men could have compulsory comb-overs and the women would be forced to wear pale blue eye shadow.
On this island the only T.V. will be back episodes of Crossroads and Top of the Pops with Jimmy Saville. The food will consist of sandwiches made from packet Mother’s Pride bread filled with smash and condensed milk sprinkled with powdered coffee.
I do get why the main parties are such a turn-off. The Tories are shits. The Liberals justify their existence by claiming to be keeping the Tories from being as shit as they would otherwise be and Labour are whining from the sidelines that they will be a bit less shit than the others if we let them have a go (see spoof leaflet with this week’s cartoon).
Just last week the Tories proved yet again their disdain and utter contempt for the British public by approving the proposed take-over of Astra Zeneca by Pfizer (talking of Viagra). Apparently on the basis that P has given assurances they won’t decimate the AZ UK workforce. And we all know how reliable those kinds of business assurances are from the Royal Mail debacle.
The Liberals haven’t worked out that Clegg is as electable as chilled dog vomit.
Labour doesn’t get that;
Ed is unelectable
Blair is not completely exorcised
You can’t just keep saying you will manage the mess; you have to prove you’ll clear it up.
If the Tories want to out-UKIP UKIP they could pass a law stating that homosexuality is re-outlawed, we all have to paint our rooms brown and orange and all women must be trained as typists and not complain if their bosses grope them. And we could all go to hell in a handcart singing Rule Britannia.
Or...
... young people could wake up, smell the coffee, get themselves registered to vote and introduce euthanasia for racist, homophobic, misogynistic hypocrites.

Click on the orange Amanda Baker - top of the right hand column to view this week’s cross-cartoon

This week’s recommended blog from the archives is,

Blog 35 Eton Mess – pudding or state of the nation.

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