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Tuesday 7 January 2020

330. 100% cure for anxiety in 2020


Take a leaf out of our glorious leaders’ book – it’s just the one book titled ‘don’t give a shit’ even about a crisis - even if you caused the crisis.

Those who lead us a merry dance to Armageddon don’t experience it and anxiety has becomes an over-used euphemism for the self-pity of cosseted millennials. It’s also a fairly useless emotion. Let’s ditch the word for 2020.

Anxiety is a word now even being ascribed to concerns about the environment. Some of my favourite columnists began the year discussing ways to assuage our anxiety as if the biggest problem with global apocalypse is that it’s making middle class white people feel anxious rather than that its already wiping out poor defenceless coastal communities in places the UK doesn’t really care about as it happily disengages from the collective action of EU membership  and meanders towards the mirage of a perfect 1950s Britain where women wore pinafores, men did manual jobs until they died of emphysema and it was ok to be sexist and racist.

Permanently looking at the world all through the self-regard magnifying glass will just make you properly ill plus as I’ve said many times before– if you aint feeling anxious about the state of the world right now you’re not normal so then it becomes a case of my ‘got anxiety’ is bigger than yours. I bet it’s not.

In short – if you are lucky enough to have a doctor to go to who will confirm that you have ‘anxiety issues’ you are very, very lucky indeed and we really don’t need to worry about you. We actually need to worry about the people with Ebola / Malaria / Cholera who have no doctors or the people whose food sources are gone because of pollution or whose parents have died locked in a ‘factory’ in India making the jeans you wore to the doctor’s appointment where it was confirmed that you have ‘anxiety issues.’

BUT better still just don’t care. The US blob Trump doesn’t. He does do tantrums but that’s a whole different thing. He was quite happy to attempt – again – to start WWIII from his private golf course. The Australian blob Scott Morrison, who doesn’t accept that the climate and environment are in crisis, had to be dragged back from his Hawaiian holiday while Australia was literally burning. And our own blob Boris Johnson – having successfully steered the rotten Brexit tanker onto the rocks didn’t cut short his Caribbean holiday even though his brother blob across the pond had – as we established earlier – had another go at kicking off WWIII. 

So – join the blobs and don’t give a shit.