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Tuesday, 8 March 2016

177. What would Attila the Hun do?

Heaven help the Jewish migrants fleeing Nazi Germany if Cameron and his crew had been in charge of Britain in the 1940s. ‘No – we’re not going to take in and protect those who managed to survive the horrific flight from hell - we’ll go hand pick the ones we prefer’.

 Really? After nearly five years of conflict?

‘Can you all just live like cattle in fields (worse because cattle can eat the grass) while we do some backroom deals with Turkey – an unstable regime’.

‘Keep those men women and children in a freight hold in Kent while we get our act together’ and so on…

Whatever happened to humanity and what is the modern measure?

If, for example, you are having difficulty working out whether it’s wrong or right to have embarked on an unnecessary, diversionary  EU referendum while men  and women and children are suffering fear and inhuman agonies on our borders try asking yourself this, What would Attila the Hun have done? If you fall this side of the answer you are a member of the human race. Well done.

Though to be honest even Mr The-Hun (I’m sure he would have been double barrelled) might have balked at creating more misery for people who were fleeing… well … misery. He may have approved of tear-gassing children already traumatised by war but as he didn’t have any tear-gas we can’t know. But historical conjecture has it that, despite his barbarism (let’s face it he coined the term), those who sought his protection were well treated - relatively.

So forget am I left wing / right wing. In order to join up the socio political dots – ask yourself the pertinent question. If you ask the wrong question you will get a useless answer as I found to my detriment last Thursday. My dentist insisted on excavating two deep old fillings despite my protestations that I had a parent’s evening to attend. I asked when the anaesthetic would wear off. By 4pm he said. And he was right. What I should have asked was ‘How much pain am I likely to be in when the injection wears off?’ If I had asked the pertinent question I may not have found myself almost puking with pain, shivering and woozy on the bus heading home.

In fact – get yourself one of those silly rubber wrist bands and draw on it in marker pen WHAT WOULD ATILLA DO?

Once you have that mental moral demarcation (morals – remember them?) apparent dilemmas become simple. It becomes obvious that – for example – if we can afford to let bankers off for wrecking the global economy and let uber wealthy companies and individuals off their taxes we can afford to help people fleeing the terror of war and social collapse. In other words if we can afford tax havens we can afford safe havens.

Would AtH be ok with a tiny elite hoarding the majority of the earth’s resources while others are homeless and starving? Well as long as the tiny elite were him, probably yes, he couldn’t even share with his brother. So it’s wrong.

Would AtH prefer Viagra to a cure for Malaria? Yes. (see blog 97 Viagra – Yes. Effective Cure for Malaria – No!). Though he’d also probably be keen on a cure for nosebleeds.

Would he be all for spending on wars in preference to children’s education? Yes. So it’s mad.

Other things too suddenly become very simple.
Slavery is out obviously. AtH was a fan. So - those who want people’s labour to make a profit owe them pay and basic security. There - you don’t have to worry your head about whether zero hours contracts are fair. They aren’t.

It just gets easier and easier and more straightforward.

Sycophancy tax? Yes.

Privatisation of public resources? No.

If you think that building walls 1000 miles long is the answer to social dysfunction and human misery and that punching political opponents is acceptable you should be euthanased – for your own sake - even Attila wouldn’t want you. You’re too stupid.

Try it for yourself – it really works. Forget party allegiance. This simple test establishes whether you are a human being.

Use the What would Attila do? test and see if you can work this one out;
Should we build a better future for all our children or wreck the planet with fracking and pollutants while selling arms to unstable and undemocratic regimes?

How did you do?

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And if this post hasn’t got you wanting to give Tuesday a miss, have a root through the archives – try blog 158 Global Danse Macabre.
Or try anti fracking for kids with my surfmen @

I’ve been told it’s quite soothing…

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