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Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Blog 66. New Royal Male Privatisation - funded with Pay Day Loans!

Well – males and females.

Yes – you heard it here first.
Actually, privatising the Royal Family is an idea that I first heard back in the late 80s (and it wasn’t new then) just before young people disappeared under the toxic cloud of low-expectation education, the curse of access-all-areas consumerism and the heavy boot of pre-adult debt; a time when they could still think about the world around them and believe in things and protest. Now that we live in a world of regurgitated ideas and fake reality this is a winning combination. Notions are recycled so quickly you can still see the arse end of them as they are forced down your throat next time around. Ideas are about the only things that get successfully recycled so let’s combine this one with the celebrity obsession, media mediocrity and pungent nostalgia that’s currently clogging our national pores.
What’s not to like?
Everyone can take part. Fortunately our economy is set up so that you don’t have to have money or even any prospect of financial stability to spend like a maniac.
Also – we have nearly run out of things of real value that used to belong to the country that the government can sell off to their mates.
Railways cost tax payers more now than they did when the nation owned them and if your experience is like mine – when a train turns up on time you feel blessed, that’s if you can afford train travel and the train isn’t so crowded that you can actually get on.
As for BT - don’t start me on the shite communications skills of the privatised communications monolith.
Gas and Energy (covered that issue in blogs 56 and 59)
Water (presumably it will be air next) now in French hands
And most recently the scandalous underselling of Royal Mail (blog 55)
We are told that the Windsors are a national treasure, a benefit to the nation. People lucky enough to earn sufficient salary to pay tax but not rich enough to evade it pay for them.
Now – I hear a few nasty cynics screaming that the royals are neither use nor ornament to anyone north of Watford with a pulse – shame on you.
I for one propose, in the interests of inconsistency, to put aside my repulsion of pernicious unfair, dishonest, nationally disastrous practice of privatising anything that is of any use or value and cede my stake in the royal family. I wholeheartedly support them being floated on the stock exchange (or on a leaky barge down the Thames when it has subsided).
Let’s say at the same price per share as Royal Mail.
Depressed folk who watch day time TV could buy shares instead of getting pay day loans at 100,000,000 % per hour to play on-line gambling. Instead of giving away money they don’t have to unknown bastard swindlers hiding behind internet anonymity they could own a bit of Liz. How cool would that be?
Those who believe the crap – sorry – informed view – that the royals are worth every penny can put their delusions where their mouths are and buy all the shares.
There would be a new Royal privatised name – Royals-4U or Monartrica! Perhaps some Russian oligarch who got blindingly rich by inveigling the natural resources of his own country or an Arab prince – ditto – could buy them and use them to offset their tax liabilities.
Or maybe we could swap them for some well staffed hospitals, old people’s homes and schools that teach our kids to read and more humane prisons.
Sorted.
There is a cartoon this week but on the subject of the T.V. abomination that is Benefits Street – in the usual place

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